hendak lagi

tolong lah. tolong lah. nak sangat-sangat-sangat-sangat.

1. nak pergi BANDUNG. tolong. sampai masuk dalam mimpi time demam. kenapa aku jadi macam orang gila entah sehari ni. harap-harap esok aku jadi normal. (betul pun. bila da masuk tengah malam baru aku boleh pikir rasional sikit)

2. iPhone. white color please. style habis seyh. serious sesuai sangat untuk aku. tak kesah la kalau 4g terlalu over budget aku, 3gs pun okay apa. (bila masa aku ada budget lagi lepas dah berenti keje ni? berangan betul)

3. wedges vincci. dari raya kempunan nak beli cuma rasa tu not necessarily kena beli so aku abaikan perasaan aku tu dan beli benda lain yang keperluan. 'wants' comes after 'needs'.

ini je setakat ini. whatever it may takes, i have to and really need to get a job first. before thinking of to have all those list. tak de la banyak sangat pun sebab rasanya aku dah ada semua. ini antara perkara yang asik berlegar-legar kat kepala otak.

first thing first. so, the first things that i wanted to have right now, so badly, so hardly, really really and bla bla bla is

a JOB please. please. please.

kalau tak. tak payah berangan nak yang berderet kat atas tu ye cik azwin.

guess i'm just too tired of waiting the good sign but i'm never gonna give it up cause i believe miracle always happen. i pray for the best. i know that all of this effort that i've given might pay me somehow. i know God have his own plan for me dan aku redha pada setiap apa yang bakal menimpa. aku sedar aku cuma hambanya. aku perlu jadi lebih taat. aku bersabar dan bersabar. setiap yang berlaku kan ada hikmah. sebagai orang islam aku kena yakin dan percaya pada qadaq dan qadar. rezeki semua datang dari tuhan. semua yang aku ada sementara. dia boleh amik bila-bila sama macam kerja lama aku. tapi aku tak menyesal. aku tau ada hikmahnya setiap yang berlaku tu. tuhan selalu beri dugaan. aku kena lah kuat tangani semua ini. kuat azwin! kuatkan semangat.

p/s: kenapa masalah blog aku dah tak boleh ada color-color dekat font dia ni? pelik betul. rasa nak marah je ni.

shortly

i have like only about 10minutes to update this and still i want to update. i have something to do afterwards. mama's friend is sending her son to my house. he'll be seating for SPM and i have to teach him math or any other subjects that he'd like to learnt. SPM is around the corner so guess i just taught him the most i could do at this time.

cuma nak amik mood sekarang ni dengan dengar lagu-lagu comel banyak-banyak kali sambil geleng-geleng kepala ikut rentak. bestnya rasa kalau tekak dah baik. sakit betul. update blog nak cakap benda ni je? haha. lawak betul minah sorang ni. macam nak kena turun je ni. be right back. maybe after midnight je nanti sebab sampai sekarang pun aku still tak berpuas hati dengan entry yang tangkap muat aku ni. cincai boncai je.

ok la. tata.

p/s: i am my own inspiration and that's why i always fail miserably. sigh~ macam kena tukar la cari inspiration lain pulak la!

ketakutan menjelma

takut tak? tinggal 15hari. seram sejuk seyh. doa yang terbaik je. amin amin

commanwealth pun dah last day dah ni. dan hari yang aku tunggu pun bakal kunjung tiba. seriau ni. kalah segala perasaan lain yang tengah nak kacau daun. siap demam 3 hari tak boleh bangun tu. mau tak gila. nak buat apa pun tak boleh sebab tak larat. tapi gi doctor, doctor kata demam sikit je. sakit tekak sikit je. tapi kenapa kepala aku ni bagai nak pecah. angkat sikit pun tak leh. nak meleret je. doctor ni pun biar betul. nasib da ok sikit sebab aku rajin makan ubat. ni pun berat dah turun 3 kilo apa cerite ni? fenin fenin.

conflict vs confused

kalau aku nak habiskan baca buku aku mesti tak boleh kot. may i? hmm.. while i'm doing nothing, why not right? i wanted to but i'm the type of if i've liked the book/story i would try to finish it asap. the problem is, i might end up to ignore to prioritize which is which. everything will turn upside downs. alah... susahnya.

p/s: dengar lah lagu superstar ost cerite juno. sedap tau. rugi tak dengar.

Bug off!

Firstly i must say i write this for my own satisfaction if not, i won't be able to get to bed. Oh, how i hate it. I hate this attitude of mine. I must do this.

Well, the entry goes like this. I wanted to tell you that even if i eat lots and still not getting any bigger or even if i wanted to eat my heart out that so not your bloody problem alright. none of anyone business. I have like this eating disorder or what so ever it is, that's my own self problem k. I mean, please.. I'm sick and tired of this. Telling the same answer to every different person. Come on. Wish i had a machine or robot to help me out here. Why does people bother? Even me myself don't bother much. Even if i do so, it's my body. I'm trying to be grateful for what God have given me here. Don't they understand it? No matter how i avoid this i know you just can't stop questioning this. I don't mean to stop you. Let them be it, and let me be me. So, if ever you guys see me showing face you'll know what that supposed to mean. I hate it when i'm starving. I don't like to control my lust of eating. I'm just doing what i love to do. Feels like punching someone's face right now.

new hairdo?

i bet most of muslims have been busy with the preparation for aidilfitri. I myself as always have been busy lately with the cookies. well, untuk baju kurung aku dah antar lah sehelai nak buat baju kurung modern dan lagi satu kain ni masih belum decide nak buat ke tak since tukang jahit semua dah surrender.

rasa macam nak ubah gaya rambut. tapi macam tak perlu pula sebab azam untuk tahun depan nak simpan rambut panjang. so, tak boleh la nak potong sekarang. dan yang paling penting, muka aku tak sesuai dengan rambut pendek. tak best!

no new hairdo for this year raya. perhaps there'll be new me for the celebration. hmm.. maybe or maybe not. i don't really do shopping nowadays since i've been unemployed for almost 2 months now. so, i better stay at home.

tidur terganggu

aku cuba tidur dalam keadaan yang agak letih dan lesu. aku penat. tapi setakat ni aku masih gagahi walau adakala aku rasa macam tak ada perasaan. i woke up early this morning to attend something important, though i know i wouldn't pass but still i manage to make it till the end. then straight away to kl for another important 'something' to attend. the journey of only 2 or 3 hours had took us almost 6 hours until got out from the car and arrived home (i mean my aunts home).

dapat singgah alamanda kejap pun tak sempat nak cuci mata. sedihnya. rasa bosan pun ada dah. entah apa yang bakal berlaku esok pun aku tak dapat nak paksa kepala aku untuk berfikir. yang ada sekarang cuma nak cepat habiskan dan lalui semua ni dengan jaya. aku janji akan buat yang terbaik dan sehabis boleh. selebihnya serahkan pada Allah yang maha esa. amin.

ada satu perasaan yang asyik mengganggu aku, sukar untuk aku huraikan dan hujahkan di sini. maybe not now. i wish me luck!

currently listening to see you soon by coldplay

wishing upon

i've been told that the album leaf is coming to Malaysia. this coming September, 7th. can i go mama, abah? i wish i could. i wish i can be there. to be part of it. just to watch them.

no. i wish too much for i have so much of wishes in life i could not get this one though just like the other several wishes before. nevermind. i'm not here complaining. i'm just explaining and expressing what i feel. the same feelings. we can't always get what we wish to have. trust me.

i'm happy to be here at home. i know i'm a person who love to play it safe. to not fly too high for i hate to fall down. the higher it gets the more hurt it caused and i am afraid of pain that can't be cure and which it might take a longer time to heal it. so i rather be here with all my 'guts'. thank you

afraid

i'm hoping that all the wish would come true. i desperately hope it will.

insyallah i know with God's will, if it's meant for me then it will be. just a matter of time. i wish that i had a job that suits me. at least a job that i feel like like to do. i know that we can't always have what we wanted to have. well, i can still have a try until i finally gets it right?

life had turn me upside down and unfortunately i'm still standing still. kenapa la tak jatuh je sekarang ni? haha. at least i know how to holding on, how to be strong even it's not as easy as saying it. i've gone through hell. but no one's are allowed to take all that away from me. though it's my hard time, i really am glad to have it with me. at least it makes me become stronger. lesson learn is always the best medicine to cure every unpleasant feelings.

i wish i'll have the strength to stood still onwards. by all means, i try to rise on my own. if it's not me who wanted so much to help myself at the first place, how can anyone else surrounds me got the opportunity to even help me? remember (Azwin) you must try to help yourself before thinking of help from people's surrounds. they can't do anything if it wasn't you who took the effort. you have to push yourself. harder this time. hardest next time.

time. will always cure the pains.

p/s: currently listening to hero by enrique iqlesias. and kosong by dewa. :/

a sigh

i have flaws
and i have so much scar
that not to be shown

i cried and laugh
i fall and rise
i did it all by myself

you'll have friends n family
who cares to death about you
there's no doubt bout it
but in the end
you'll still die alone

the fact is
no matter how hard
you've been trying
to explain n tell others
bout the thing you feel
bout everything you've thought
anything across your mind
you'll finally find
your ownself who struggling
to find the way out

no one could ever do anything
if you refuse to help yourself
no one would believe you could
if you ignore to feel and believe in you

you could ask help by anyone in the whole world
but remember, still you yourself
who should help yourself at the first place
you are responsible for everything that happen
and god knows
god knows everything
leave the rest to him
and he'll guide you to the right path

curest

shopping list!!!

1. handphone (the model will be kept confidential)
2. new hair-do
3. debtors settlement (sigh~)

hahaha. whatever. ada aku kesah. ada aku kesah kenapa aku jadi gila macam ni? ada aku kesah on your bloody fuc*king face that you showed? you're a jerk creature. a freaking monster like comes from hell that love making others life miserable. you've dirty heart that you don't deserve to be forgiven yet i still forgive you but i'm not going to forget whatever you've done wrong. since i won't have the chance to give you back, i'm sure God will. certain of that. you just wait. you'll see langit tu tinggi ke rendah. i'm sure one day you'll regret and if you don't well... you're so pathetic. and now i come to my senses that i know why you're not in pink of health. freak you siamang.

Nokia E71 red

Nokia E72

which one is worth buying?
which one caused less problem to users?
which phone will you recommend to other?
tell me now! ASAP.
could you state the drawbacks and good things bout these phone please, only if you have any. hehe.
sharing is caring aite. tell me bout it ya?
i would really love to know your experiences with the phone.
Thanks

p/s: Help! Help!

to segamat for nasi beringin

tidur

marah

tidur lagi

tension

gila

last weekend, we went to Segamat just for the sake of menginginkan nasi beringin as our brunch (breakfast+lunch). unfortunately, the shop was closed. (cuit lidah, calit kat dahi). well, anyhow we manage to get a service recovery by having a great dish at one shop there. sedap. it's worth it. but then, on the way back to melaka i felt sick. like very sick. i threw out almost along the way back. then fall asleep and vomit, and asleep and vomit. sigh~ i had gastric pain and menstrual-pain.

i manage to survive all the way. nasib baik.

p/s: i've lost my mood since like 3 months now. so not in the mood for anything. rasa macam nak gila dah. macam nak buang orang (buang dari apa pun tak tahu). macam nak belasah orang. macam nak lempang orang (nasib baik belum rasa nak bunuh orang). dan pelbagai macam rasa lagi. tensionnya! tak tahan.

si gila

i went back to my hometown with the parents few days back
jalan-jalan and to fetch my cousins
since it's already school holiday
will update on the picture soon.
too many things to do at times
there's still no changes with that.
i still have to do many things at time.
even if i don't want to
and whether i like it or not
i still have to do it.

GGrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

tensionnya. stressnya. bila nak hilang saket kepala ni?

p/s: lain yang nak cerite, lain pulak yang terkarang. mood pun tiba-tiba dah tak de.

something

ohh. i'm entering the third months.

slightly

my routine life has changed.
during weekdays, morning i will wake up at 6.30am
then get ready to work.
at 1pm during break
mama will fetch me to go lunch
on the evening 5.30pm
mama awaits me after work.
sometimes she had to wait almost an hour
and sometimes im the one who waits.
but it always been her waiting for the daughter.

during weekend! which i eagerly wait everyday
we'll go jalan-jalan.
usually i have prepared the plan which place to go.
badminton, makan-makan, beach-ing, playing guitar etc. etc.

it seems that now everything just goes by
on a glance the days had gone
i just notice that i've been working for almost 2 months.
sigh~
the question is, can i survive another 50 years?

the dell

ok guys, choose the best out of these two.

which one is worth spending?
which one that you feel like want to have?

it's actually the same model Inspiron 14 by Dell.
the only different is the color.
now. what say you?

beg

only Him i can rely on

only to Him i can asked for

i can only cry to him beg him

cause only Him that knows me best

that eventually understand this all

that i believe

he would somehow answer it all

respond to it

i believe

he knows the best

more than i know it myself

he has His own plan

i can only be patience

of waiting what would happen next

of what should i faced in future

to leave everything in His hand is what i felt now

amin

a sigh

it's been awhile since i last drop something here. i faced a new challenge in life, new environment, new path in life. i've entered to working life. i wonder how abah get thru this. i mean, last time it was his time to seek for income to the family and now onwards, it's me and my brother. i have this mind that always thought of getting things better for my family. i want the parents to be happy. to have what they wanted to have in life. i wanted to take good care of them.

with the help of God, i manage to get a place to work. alhamdulillah. but, if we gain some we'll lose some. yes. i do lost some. i'm not quite sure whether the choice is right or wrong, but when it comes to the parents i know what i did was right. i wanted to be with them all times. i would want nothing else if i have the parents.

i sacrifices. i cried. but, i believe that this is what i have to face. aku redha dengan segala ketentuannya. aku sedar aku cuma manusia biasa. tak dapat lari dari dugaan dan ujian darinya. tapi aku juga sedar, dia akan berikan ganjaran dan hikmah pada setiap hambanya yang bersabar. aku mohon diberikan kekuatan dan ketabahan untuk lalui semua ini. amin.

p/s: orang lain mungkin tak paham, tak tahu apa yang kita rasa/pikir/mahu. walau dengan cuba untuk menerangkan belum tentu akan dapat difahami sepenuhnya. hanya tuhan yang tahu. biarlah segala ditentukan olehnya. aku berserah setelah berusaha.

new year entry again

i'm experiencing a transformation in life, which i hate it so much. i hate changes since before born ;p well, this is life. transformation is for good (or might be for bad). i always believe that everything that God's wrote has it own reasons. i bet, mine as well. my love life, personal, working life, study life and etc. it all happened for reasons. i'm the one who should learn from it. to muhasabah diri. to sit awhile and think deeply why it had to happen. there must be reasons.

i faced challenged in life, i know i can make it this time because a very big prize will come soon if i stay patient. i know i have to accept it. i've gone so far i can't turn back, what's best that i could do is to leave the rest to God after trying the best to work it out. usaha tangga kejayaan. tuhan berikan ujian untuk menguji sejauh mana tahap kita ni untuk dia beri ganjaran atau mungkin ujian/dugaan yang seterusnya.

the new year eve. happy new year. aku mengambil kesempatan ini untuk berubah tidak secara drastic tetapi sedikit demi sedikit. i know now, this is one of the reason why God's wrote my fate this way. every problems have its own solution. aku cuma mampu bertawakal kepada-Nya. aku dah cuba yang terbaik, aku sentiasa berdoa supaya tuhan tunjukkan aku jalannya. amin