my month

it's already December. as a December baby, i wait for this month every year. it's the last month of the year.
happy birthday to everyone who was born in december. we rock!!

p/s: a new english book/novel would be perfect for the birthday this year.

no one

if this is what i want. then i'll get it. if i am not sure what is it, then no one would. try asking others, they probably can give you so many reasons and opinions but the truth is only you who know what you really need. try to stick with what your heart said. be true to yourself let the heart say it out loud. listen to them carefully.

it's already aidiladha eve. i am ready with my baju kurung wanted to go to enstek. a gathering with nyayi (granny) and the rest. my uncle is getting married. yes. uncle and he's almost 60 but still maintain. hehe. he's a single parents since 3 years back.

i have to move on with life. i am so keen to achieve many things in life right. i should carry on and do my best. the rest, redha and tawakal. i know if it's still not the time, it won't come. rezeki ada dimana-mana. i always believe that everything happen for reasons.

i remember this one. "if we're down for nothing, God's up to something". it's always about time. i still get it no matter what because that is what i need and want. i'll do my very best for it. and still we can only planned, tuhan yang menentukan. dia lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk aku. and i always pray that i been given strengths to get over all the obstacles.

changes (again?)

k. everything surrounds me are changing. i have finished my studies (but currently not officially graduated as my status doesn't appear as 'grad'. i wonder why. after so many years in mmu i still don't really understand how the system goes.) today is a big day for me. kinda. i have too much things to do. still! thought that i don't have to do much things at one time but i still have to do that even i had no more assignments or coursework to be done.

life. it is important to become a multi task person you see. very stressing, tiring. but what option do i have left? none. oh, well there is. but if i took the wrong direction i might have collapse or lost the big opportunity in life. that's not really good sign for me though.

and my love life sux. i know that. i'm not good at loving people i guess. but i'm pretty sure i love hating others. haha. yeah. it's hard for me to list what i love but it's very easy to list what i hate. i love to live a simple life but sometimes (or often) life becomes so complicated to me. or probably i choose it to be that way. whatever.

i have less friends now. i have like only mama and abah and few trusted friends to count on. though i really need them right now (but not quite sure what is it for. just need them. nothing in particular). might be because now i have come to my senses that i have to be independent. this is the time for me to go on my own. even i hate that fact so much i have to face the reality. it is happening whether i like it or not whether i'm ready or haven't. i should tell this to my interviewer la. i know that this is the time. i have to be ready and i am ready. to stand on my feet. but can i still ask mama abah to accompany me to the interview? hhehehe. for the support ok. don't get me wrong.. i need them. badly. i want to be with them at all time. i want them to stay with me wherever i may go. the end.



p/s: love doesn't always come our way. we have to seek. yes! but i bet this is not my time to love. i should have notice this from the first place. i am so stupid. well, opportunities always come when we least expect it. good luck!

weekender

hari nikah

yang masih single perlu teruskan perjuangan

sepetang di sunway piramid

me, julie and lisa. all the way from melaka for jun

me and lisa

with julie

with the bridegroom

my weekend comes again. kali ini a bit different. even time interview tu pun aku asik ingatkan diri sendiri 'tak pe azwin. ko abiskan interview ni then weekend ni ko akan berseronok'. aku ke kl. untuk hadiri wedding june. need to stay one night there so three of us me, lisa and julie have decided to get a hotel. june recommended starcity sebab dekat dengan dewan diaorang kawin and the pengantin pun duk situ malam pertama tu. ahaha.

so, nikah on saturday and bersanding on sunday. semuanya macam elok je. tapi dengar dari june, macam-macam hal dah jadi. time kitaorang sesat nak cari rumah dia tu, dia call menangis sebab takut. mak andam dia pun buat hal sebab datang lewat. kesian june. nasib baik semuanya masih teratur lagi.alhamdulillah. june pun dah selamat dinikahkan. semoga bahagia ke anak cucu. kisah percintaan lebih kurang 6tahun tu dengar-dengar. dapat orang terengganu.

pagi pagi lepas subuh dah gerak dari melaka. kelakar. pengalaman betul. sebab june nikah pagi sabtu. adoi. lepas nikah tu aku lisa and julie layan diri sendiri je. duk hotel tengok hindustan petang tu patutnya ada plan yang lebih menarik yang memang aku dah terpikir dah plan dari sebelum sampai kl lagi. tapi tak menjadi. so, keluar lah kami bertiga sahaja ke sunway piramid. takut nak jalan jauh-jauh. budget pun tak de. sesat karang susah pula.

entah kenapa. aku asik tidur je. bila diam sikit aku tidur. kelakar. then, lepas bersanding on sunday tu kitaorang pun bertolak balik melaka. sekejap gila lisa drive. 1 jam 20 min je rasanya. haha. aku apa lagi. tertidur sekejap kat dalam kereta. balik tu we all singgah mydin and restoran nasi ayam penyet. and my weekend was ok.


p/s: selamat pengantin baru june!! congrats

the bosan

sangat-sangat tertekan. kenapa la aku ni? sekarang rasa macam kosong dan sangat bosan. aku langsung tak ada mood. tensionnya! tak tau apa puncanya. aku sedar semua ni time pergi interview last thursday. naik lrt gan mama abah. tengok diaorang buat aku rasa sangat sedih. kesian kat diaorang. bila lah aku ni nak diterima bekerja. betul ke kata interviewer tu aku ni tak ready lagi? i have my own opinion to that.

she said that there are diffirences between 'need a job' and 'ready for a job'. i don't really get what she's trying to do. whether she just simply said that or she wanted to provoked or something else. i really have no clue at all. what i know that, people need to be ready for a job and need a job. both. sebab kalau dia ready sahaja pun tapi doesn't really need to have a job so it's pointless. i need a job, yes. and that makes me ready for a job because i know what my needs are. compare to others i have the commitment and dedication towards a job that been offered to me. aku akan lebih ikhlas buat kerja sebab aku tau.. i need a job desperately. and that, that would make me ready to work. i am ready. ready to learn and gain experience as much as i can absorb. i believe i can make it happen.

i try to smile and remain calm during the interview. but i knew deep down that i didn't do quite well. i have tried my really best. try not to be so timid but to be confident and loud (oh. i am that loud. suara aku je rasanya lebih kuat dari suara interviewer tu. haih. they both are really nice people). aku memang tak confident dapat.

well that's not about it. yang penting aku pelajari sesuatu. if i were given another chance. i would try to do better. tapi tu lah. dah terlambat pun. i wanted to tell them so many things. i felt like i just waste my 40mins interview. i should stress that if i'm not willing to learnt, to gain experience, to be part of the organization, to be a better employee, to have positive mind of the position, etc etc.. i wouldn't came for the interview at the first place. and plus. i was the only candidate who came on that day. the other 3 candidates didn't even showed up.

oh God. let us just pray. i've done my part just like abah said. others can't really help me. i have to help myself. whatever the interviewer had said, just swallow it and learn a lesson. i did. everyone had tried to help me i know. cik cah, cik zee, my parents and friends. giving me advice and support me. i thank them a lot. i told to abah once. everyone might try to tell me the dos and don'ts during the interview. but i said, it is never easy as what you and the others have said to me you know. i did try to make it happen. i tried my best. then abah said.. 'you just be sincere and be yourself there. they just wanted to get to know you more. try not to be nervous'. it works for my second interview. i felt less nervous during this interview. i try to be comfortable and i am. but i know it wasn't good enough. i still can't give the best answer to them. aku tak dapat nak betul-betul luahkan apa yang aku cuba nak sampaikan. jadi aku redha. biar tuhan yang menentukan.

the best is. let just try it again for another interview. i have to improve rite? aku belum lagi give up. interview hari tu jawapannya pun belum tahu lagi. i won't jump into conclusion. i still would want to know what is the result. this thursday adalah penentuannya. so whatever it is. i will try to accept it. rejection or acceptation. hehe

p/s: tak payah la baca. membosankan betul tengok entry ni. kosong tanpa gambar. hanya tulisan. dengan tak berwarna. sangat tak creative.

bella cover 'im not an actor by MLTR'

p/s: my all time favorite video. i just love it!
sorry. can't help it. i must have love myself too much i guess
i tend to be so tak malu by uploading my own video.
eiii. kelakar je. i ought to be satisfied and happy too
so what? have a nice day!
-xoxo-

journey

shasha: awak,senyum.
mocha: mcm ni? =)
shasha: bukan la. nampak gigi
mocha: mcm ni eh =D ok
shasha: angkat tangan.
mocha: ngee~
shasha: ha.. macam tu la

ni la shasha

musim hujan je sekarang ni. cuaca sejuk. panas kurang. kepala aku pun makin la berserabut. sejuk-sejuk sangat pun tak berapa elok untuk aku ni. buat pening kepala sebab menahan ngantuk. semalam berjalan ke sepang. pergi enstek rumah pakcik aku, cik cah. nak minta tolong dia recommendkan mana-mana kerja. jadi bawa resume untuk bagi dia. sekarang ni baru aku rasa macam mana susah nak cari kerja. mungkin ada orang yang murah rezeki senang je cari kerja. ni la nasib aku. aku redha dan sangat terima. aku percaya ada hikmah.

aku dah berusaha dan berdoa. selebihnya aku cuma berserah. dalam perjalanan ke sepang tu aku cakap gan mama 'sekarang ni angah rasa cuba je semua. ibaratkan macam main game kat fun fair tu yang baling gelung ke botol. kalau aku baling satu mungkin tak kena. tapi cuba aku baling banyak-banyak beribu lemon, mungkin akan sangkut satu. pun jadi lah. amin'.

dapat la jumpa anak buah aku. baru umur 3tahun tapi petahnya bercakap. siap dah reti amik gambar guna hp aku. senang diajar. bijak betul. macam orang tua.

apa-apa pun harap semuanya berjalan lancar untuk aku dan keluarga. cukup la dengan pressure yang datang dan pergi selama ini. aku dah naik fed up. tak kuasa nak layan yang mana yang tak perlu. baik aku dulukan apa yang perlu didulukan. aku nak ringankan beban keluarga. nak jalani hidup aku dengan lancar. kalau boleh tak perlu ada masalah dengan manusia lain, kawan, teman etc etc. dan buat masa ini aku tak perlukan sesiapa yang mendatangkan mudarat melainkan keluarga dan sebab itulah aku sedar yang aku belum bersedia untuk pikul tanggungjwab lain yang lebih besar selain dari sekadar anak. aku tak nak ambil risiko. dan memperjudikan hidup dan masa muda aku untuk orang yang belum tentu lagi betul-betul perlukan aku, dan belum tentu boleh menjamin hidup aku. bukan sahaja takutkan orang lain, aku sendiri takut dan xpercaya pada diri aku. entah boleh tak memikul semuanya. payah. aku tak nak menyesal di kemudian hari.

mudah-mudahan. amin. tapi tu lah. kita hanya merancang yang menentukan tu tuhan. tuhan berilah petunjuk.